135: How to Heal Your Sexual Energy

Hi, and welcome back to Reclamation Radio. I'm Dr. Kelly Brogan. And one of the things that I love about my containers is that the women I attract always have audacious questions to ask me. So it's my intention for the musings that I share on these topics to grow the permission field of what's possible and also to offer relatable reframes that can jailbreak you from your victim stories. So you might notice that I'm a bit more familiar and free when I'm answering these questions in our private spaces. So take a listen and enjoy. And today's audacious ask is, how do I know if my sexual energy is healthy? Like when you're dressing or looking sexy versus it coming from a broken neediness, feeling insecurity from other women if men notice you, and this kind of attention seeking horror versus I would say embodied confidence. I can literally give like a weekend seminar on this subject. So I will challenge myself to make it brief because this is very nuanced. And I do think as I wrote in the book that this is where a lot of our vital force lives is in our assessment of the role that sexuality is playing in our own lives relative to other women, right? So the Madonna whore complex is the polarity of, you know, objectified sexuality versus you could say repressed sexuality, right? So have you disavowed and abdicated or have you, you know, made a caricature and cartoon out of this seemingly separate energy called sexuality, which we just talked about the fact that it's not separate and that objectification of sexuality is itself something that we are reclaiming and healing, right? To recognize that it is a spectrum of our own experience of embodied vitality, right? So what I have noticed and observed is that there is a maturational arc to the reclamation of sexuality. And that that arc, I think is probably pretty archetypal, but I imagine, you know, there may be nuances that are slightly different for each of you. So if you somebody who has judged as I have other hypersexual slutty salacious women like I just thinking of I remember back in my like functional medicine days that there was this colleague of mine who would occasionally post, like she's like a scientist, I think even, I don't know. She would occasionally post like literal photos on Instagram of her, like on a rock in a bikini or whatever. and I was confused primarily, but secondarily like so dismissive to the point of almost like dehumanizing her. Like she was like literally for the reject pile. Okay, so that kind of judgment, like if you have awareness of that, like that you interact with women who are wearing too much makeup, who are, you know, who should have more clothing on, who should not be doing this with their bodies or not be doing that with their bodies, who are engaging in hookup culture, who are cheating on their husbands, right? So wherever those hotspots are, there is of course a reclamation there. And so how you might titrate into a character who does those things, it could be as simple as like literally buying one outfit, right? Like maybe you go to a sex shop and you buy like one, you know, I don't know, like get up, right? That like you imagine this kind of a character would wear and you like just put it in your closet. You don't have to put it on, right? So that kind of titration into the characters that you have rejected. I mean, certainly I took it on screen and that was so much of my erotic dance and pole dance journey has been to not only neutralize the rejection, but also to come into a deep appreciation for what many women, I mean, many of my friends and pole dance teachers, they do things with their lives and their bodies that I wouldn't, at least it seems now. And I feel like nothing but appreciation and admiration for whatever it is that they have going on and the aliveness that they move through their bodies, right? So you might find that as you titrate into this flavor, this dimension and I obviously huge advocate for pole because it one of the ways you can try and in fact I wrote a blog Oh no it was also a podcast on like the spiritual lessons I learned through pole dance And you can try on so many different flavors through pole dance. Like there's low flow, there's spinning pull. It's like ballerina to literally sex worker. I mean, you can span the flavors of women just having different costumes and different music and playing around in your own living room, let alone, you know, in the company of other women. So it's an amazing tool for that. And you might find that there is a temptation to be seen for your newly accessed eroticized self, right? So this is not uncommon. Certainly was my journey that as I started to play into these energies, I wanted to feel seen for them, right? And then my little girl was involved because I was like making these videos, you know, I would like choose the music and I would choose the costume and then I would like practice and see if I could get it, you know, get it down. And then I would like edit the video. And it was like this little creation. And that little girl self is like bringing it to Instagram or whatever. Like, hey, what do you think? Like, as if I had like a freshly painted painting, you know, that I'm bringing to my parents. And so I certainly can see the perspective that that is what David Data will call like first stage womaning, right? where you want attention for your, you know, objectified sexuality. And it's a real stage. It's a real stage for a reason. I believe that as women, attention is a currency that we seek. That's why we are on social media by and large. That's also why men on social media, at least from my perspective, are probably more in that feminine dimension of their expression because attention seeking is our nature. It's our attention is the currency of the masculine. It is the gift of the masculine, right? So to work with that and to accept that that may be an impulse, I personally think is important. Do I think I am in five years from now going to be, or honestly, even a year from now, I'm going to be posting, you know, videos of me pulling in a bikini? Probably not. Probably not. And it won't ever be because I decided it was like bad and wrong to do It will be because the relationship that I have to that gaze has evolved right So if you try to jump to the high value queen you know the rejection of the attention seeking whore, it's going to live in you and you're just going to continue to develop bitter, resentful, judgy projection of your own vital force onto other women. So however you can get to the place where it's like all great, right? Like the whole spectrum has a place I think is worth pursuing. And there are many of us who have blazed the trail before, before you might step on it. So yeah, because, you know, as data says, the second stage is really the neutralization of that energy where you become kind of like self-sufficient and you recognize that as a woman, And like, you don't need to get attention for your beauty. And maybe you could get attention for your brains. Then the third stage expression is like the offering of the erotic energy that moves through your vessel to your man in service of God. So like, I ain't there yet. And I don't know anybody who is. And I believe we're collectively moving in that direction. So there is a lot of terrain for us to play around with and explore. And that's why I'll just come full circle and say that trusting your impulses, developing a curious approval-based relationship to your impulses is the only way you can navigate. Because if you're trying to do it how she did it or how she did it or how you think it's supposed to go, you're not actually walking that path home. You're just like mentating your way into trying to be a better, albeit self-rejecting version of yourself. Right. So developing a relationship to your impulses is beginning the self-navigation that I think is the only the only light we can walk by ultimately. you