164: The Embodied Woman Guide: Spiritual Paths, Chronic Illness & The 3 Ps

Maybe you're doing a lot right. You're working out, you're eating decently, and still your body feels puffy, your hair feels thinner, and your skin feels creepy. You were taught to call that aging, but I am choosing not to. I don't believe that beauty is vanity. I believe it's a hobby. it's a skill it's something that you can practice and learn at any age so i'm hosting a free beauty backroom event for midlife women who are ready to glow up and feel leaner stronger and more radiant than they have perhaps in their entire life i will be sharing exactly what i've done over the past couple of months to do just that so 2026 is your rebrand year come play with me kellybrogenmd.com forward slash BB. I'm not a big fan of middle paths. I like to play on the edges, but I would say over the past several years, I have found that in this neutrality is the path of embodiment. I am so interested in feminine embodiment because I know that when we neglect this dimension of our custodial responsibility for our own bodies and spirits, we get sick. I for sure have had glorious experiences at women's workshops. And then I go back to my life and nothing actually changes. My sense is that the responsibility we have as women in the realm of embodiment is to prioritize. I want to start out with just a framework. So you get me in my sports bra because my whole morning, this morning and most mornings, so it's noon and my whole entire morning has been movement. So I have a couple of minutes central movement practice that varies over the days. Then I go for what I call a hot girl walk for an hour. Then I go to the gym or sometimes a class. And that means that I don't have any commitments before noon in my day. And it's because I've recognized how essential this is for so many dimensions of obviously my physical health, but that's never really been the motivation. It's really my psycho-emotional stability and expansion. And so some of you know that my girls were in the Waldorf system for like a hot minute and that I have, you know, done my own exploration of anthroposophy and, of course, the medical branch of that. And I'm very close with Tom Cowan, who was trained in that world. So I have some Steinarian influence. And there's something that he talks about that I think is really powerful. And I wonder if you agree. So he talks about these different paths, right? And there is the, sometimes it's referenced actually as the Luciferian path, but there is the path of transcendence, right? So you think new age, plant medicine, how can we get out and beyond the body? That's where the freedom lies. That's where the bliss is. It's when you somehow rocket yourself while you're still alive into the ethers. And that is the path that I see a lot of spiritual circles and communities pursuing. I certainly have pursued it in many ways myself. And in some ways, we're in rejection of the other path, which is the material path, right? So that's the world that I come from in allopathy, where everything that is legitimate is something you can measure and track and assess. It's about collapsing all that is unseen into the relevance of the scene. So it's the material 3D path that we are in so many ways really coming out of or moving beyond. But what are we moving beyond to? Are we just going to flip the polarity to the transcendent path? Or are we going to walk this middle path? So I'm not a big fan of middle paths because I like to play on the edges. And if you've followed me for any amount of time, you know that that's my personality. That's my journey. I go deep, deep, deep in this direction. And then I go deep, deep, deep in this direction. But I would say over the past several years, and certainly since I have tapped into the work that I represent in Audacious Embodiment and this kind of teaching, I have found that in this neutrality is the path of embodiment. So what he would call it is Christ consciousness, which is spirituality through the body. It's the experience of transcendence through the body. It's probably why I've also been, because that makes sense to me, it's probably why I've also been attracted to David Data's work, which I think is some of the most powerful work out there on the subject of accessing God through sensuality, sexuality and polarity. I did a teacher training with him, his first ever offering in the fall. When I think about embodiment, this is what I think about. I think about coming together as women to meet somewhere between like a conference, like a mental, intellectual, learning-based experience, and a plant medicine circle where we are energetically all seeking to exit the form. And because I think there is value in also the polls, there are ways to weave together the experience of deep growth through pleasurable embodiment. So I've been exploring this concept of embodiment and how it applies specifically to girls like me. If you're somebody who has been in a pattern, you know, sometimes this is called functional freeze, but you've been in a pattern of like basically getting your to do list handled. But then in your downtime, all you can do is like Netflix or scroll or somehow, you know, just sort of sidestep reality so that you're in the avoidance realm of whatever the hell is going on in here. We do this in a million ways. We do it through snacking. We do it through various substances. We do it through scrolling. Right. It's just a subtle, often socially acceptable pattern of avoiding whatever is brewing in here. And sometimes, at least in my experience, what's brewing in here is like something on the spectrum from numbness, which is actually a sensation itself to overwhelm. overwhelm, right? So who wants to sit with that, right? It makes sense that we would get our shit done and then the rest of the time, you know, find a coping mechanism. So if you're somebody who has that pattern, but then if you also have these chronic white noise, I call them like energy leaks in your life, what is that? It is a pattern of resentment, right? So if you scan your life scape for a hot button source of resentment, you know, a person, a situation, something that's been going on, I would say for longer than two months. That's what we consider chronic, even in the, you know, pharmaceutical realm, right? So two months is a kind of inflection point. And if you've been in a sort of finger pointing, blaming, and I would say, importantly, self-justifying, right? So we do this a lot. We're so funny. We offer up these litigation level scripts of why we are right and why even sometimes we should continue doing the thing or being in dynamic with the thing that we on some deep level know has got to go. And we do this inside of ourselves. Do you do this? It's almost like preparing for the moment that somebody might call you out on what are you doing? How about change this? How about stop this? How about move beyond this victim pattern? So resentment is a beautiful flag post for the kinds of patterns that end up showing up in our bodies. So many of you know that I'm specialized in chronic illness, right? So that was the first part of my career was studying the anatomy of chronic illness and how to move beyond it. The reason I am so interested in feminine embodiment is because I know that when we neglect this dimension of our custodial responsibility for our own bodies and spirits, we get sick. We get sick. That's what happens. So if you can really practice preventive medicine. I'm not so sure it looks like supplements. I mean, whatever. I'm sure that's wonderful. But I'm not so sure it looks like mitigating EMF and all of the purely physiologic means of bolstering ourselves. I think it also weaves in the way that we store our shadow material, the way that we hide from ourselves, the way that we avoid and generate secrets and live in a split, an internal split, this internal war. So if you're somebody whose body is expressing this, how? Well, it can look like bloating, hair loss, fatigue, joint pain, right? It's like the women's plague, right? It's like the things that were often either labeled with, oh, that's just perimenopause or menopause or dismissed or maybe even worse, normalized, right? That's just part of aging. It's just part of the deal. If you have been to women's workshops or retreats and you've had glorious experiences, right? So I for sure have had glorious experiences at women's workshops. And then I go back to my life and nothing actually changes. And then I just have this yearning for whatever I experienced at the workshop. There's nothing obviously wrong with that. But I am a transformation junkie. If you know me, you know I love. I love me a good transformation story. You want to get me weeping in like 15 seconds? Show me a before and after video of a woman who changed. My sense is that the responsibility we have as women in the realm of embodiment is to prioritize being together. So whether that's a dance class you go to or a gathering of women locally where you move together, where you share together, where you resonate and co-regulate with each other, or let me tell you that, it's not on the computer. And while this is wonderful and I learned lots of stuff from Zoom, I am actually trained in S-Factor. if you've heard of that, Sheila Kelly's work. And I did a teacher training in that and invested in it and did all of the, you know, the practicum and passed my test and all the things. And it was all on the computer. It's essential movement, pole dance inspired practice. It's so powerful. I'm a huge fan. And doing that on the computer just wasn't it. It just wasn't it. There are certain things I don't want to be doing on the computer. And moving and vibing with your bodies is one of those things. You're not going to catch me taking Zoom dance classes anytime soon. And not because I haven't tried it. I have. So my sense is that we benefit the most from prioritizing gathering in person together to do this work. So when I think about what women need right now, and many of you may know that I come from also the activism world, right? So I come even from the, you know, feminism world of, you know, fighting for the matriarchy and just taking every opportunity to rage against the machine But my sense is that the that sort of love and light spiritualism right Like rose petal baths and all of that softness The sort of, I don't know, do you ever feel like you're putting on the softness, right? Like you're faking it in a way or it's like a bit contrived or is it just me? I don't know that that is the path. I also don't think that like, take it from me, you know, the more ascetic route of like water fasts and ice baths. I don't think that that's the route. I also don't think that obsessing about our traumas, and I spent years in that space, is the path either. My sense is that what I need, what we need is a kind of grounded play, right? So it's not spiritual soothing and petting. It's not certainly self abuse and fixation on our past that we obviously cannot change or control, or even really narrate that differently, we need grounded play and we need permission. When I have changed and when I have witnessed my girlfriends and clients and patients radically shift, and again, often it's an inflection point, it happens in a moment, literally a moment. It's because another woman gave me or gave her, or sometimes I am that woman, permission to move through the shame of whatever story was in place, holding you stuck in the split, right? In that inner war, the part that says, keep doing this, you're right. And the part that says, you have no idea what the fuck you're doing in life, right? You're wrong, you're embarrassing, and there's no way out of this with your reputation intact. So that permission field allows us to expand into an experience of ourselves that we didn't think we could survive, right? Like we didn't think we could go there. And there's a lot of protectors that we have that tell us don't go there. That's literally the point of shame. It's to keep you from going there or allowing anybody to see so that you can remain innocent. But at a certain point, that starts to break down. And when you liberate the energy from that war, it's an instantaneous expansion. And it's creative. And you start to attract all sorts of cool stuff. And that is the spiral path, right? So it's not linear. I've let go of that a long time ago. I mean, if I had to believe like I was like healed now and that's why I can help and teach you gals. No, it's a spiral path. I am constantly revisiting myself, taking the bait, making poor bargains and then hiding from myself, my awareness that I'm doing that, storing it and stuffing it in my body, wondering why I'm so fucking tired, you know, this month or whatever. And then I had the experience, often with another woman, to move through and past that because she gave me permission to, and my whole physiochemistry changes in a weekend. I literally personally just experienced that this past weekend. So I know it's a spiral path, and it's just part of the practice. And so I like to work with alliteration. So the first pole teacher, Wendy. Wendy is probably the woman in my life who has expanded my permission field for the dark side of sensual expression. Now, what do I mean by that? I mean like the whore archetype, and she talks about that. Because as much as I have always loved all kinds of dance, literally any kind, and I've done hip hop and I've done twerk and all these things that are a little more on the ratchet end of things. I still had a, when I first met her, I still had a like, oh, is something wrong with you? Like, are you damaged? Right? Like I had this program that only a woman who is like damaged goods would express herself that way. Well, if you spend five minutes around this woman and her embodied. She's so fucking embodied. I don't know what other words to use. If you literally spend five minutes in her presence and you can see her online and all the things, and it's just breathtakingly gorgeous. Okay. And when you're around her body, I swear the first session, it was a private lesson. I went over to her house. Within five minutes, I was like trembling. Like I felt like, what is even happening? Am I nervous or am I having like a Kundalini awakening? what's going on? Because I could feel how deeply comfortable in her body and with all of the energies in this darker spectrum that I didn't really know how to interact with, she was. And that's all it took. She told me her instruction was to hold the pole and walk around it, literally walk, okay? Walk around in a circle. And she put on music and ladies, this was like the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It was, I don't know. I don't know how to express in words what it is to move through this weird shame that just lives in our bodies when we are invited to play in this way. And I don't think you'd be here in my field if you didn't also deal with this. So she is one of these women who has blown open my permission field. Also because she has a heart of gold. And that contrast of her working with these darker energies, she's very special. She has given me permission to come to deep neutrality around anything and everything that gets expressed through a woman's body. And there's no class I could have taken, right? There's no other way to do it other than putting your body around a woman's body who is more alive than you. The analogy I always use is like laying snow on the mountain so that you can ski new tracks because otherwise our best intentions keep leading us into the same patterns. And there's a certain anatomy of a pattern to disrupt. There are certain elements that are necessary when you are creating that. And it has to do with not just the body, but also the mind, right? It has to do with the psychic realm and the physical realm and the energetic realm. So the alchemy of all of those dimensions. Of course, the other P is pleasure because I don't know, I'm somebody who I've always loved having fun. I always have enjoyed dancing and traveling, these kind of like superficial pleasures. But it wasn't until I started to orient my entire day around sensual pleasures. I prioritize when I wake up smelling something delicious, looking at something beautiful, and feeling cozy and comfortable, let's say I'm doing a meditation or movement practice or whatever, that has become my priority. So now my whole life is oriented around what can I do to bring more pleasure? It's not easy to come up with these things, ladies. It's not. If I told you right now, come up with three pleasurable things that you're going to do today and three more that you're going to do tomorrow, three more you're going to do the next day. If you're like me, it's a little bit challenging to reopen that imaginal realm of the delight of being in a human body. And that's why I like to start really conservative, right? So maybe you've heard me in my other containers teach about like the peeing practice, where you just start with focusing on the pleasure of literally peeing in the toilet, okay? Like going from having to pee to peeing, there's pleasure there, I guarantee it. And you can bring your attention to it. So in these small ways, little ways where you check in with your body and you say like, what can I do for you? What can I do for you? That's pleasure. And of course, then there are the bigger ways, prioritizing the things you know light you up. Do you know how much I struggle to go to dance class? Okay, like I go to a dance class now every Wednesday night. I'm not a night person. I don't like going to classes at night. I go to a class, it's a shuffle, it's kind of dance, and I go at night. And there's like about 30 to 90 minutes every single time that I am trying to get out of it. I'm literally like, oh, maybe not tonight. I should focus on other things. Why don't I just relax? That's a big one. And every 100% of the time, the return on investment is like orders of magnitude more pleasure than anything else I could be doing for that hour when I go. right? So why the hell would we have all this resistance to doing a thing we know is enjoyable? Well, that's a whole other book, right? Like that's a whole other lecture, but it's real. And you're not alone if you feel like, oh yeah, yeah, that sounds great, Kelly, but like whatever. The prioritization is the beginning of the shift. It's just saying this matters. It matters. You know, my sensual reality matters to me. And then the last P is polarity. So when we think about polarity, sometimes a lot of us might hear like man-woman dynamics and David Data's work, that type of thing. I'm interested in polarity in all realms because, as I mentioned, I play in polarities. Like I have, you know, I've been a feminist and then I became somebody who deeply questions feminism. I've been a conventional doctor, then I became radically holistic doctor. You know, I've played, I used to hate cats, now I love cats. You know, like I've played on these polls in virtually almost every topic you can come up with because my woundology is such that I have an opinion about everything all the time. So I've played with a lot of different opinions over the years. So polarity is also that. And the polarity that I specifically like to talk about is the yes and the no. Mostly because, honestly, ladies, like our greatest suffering, our greatest suffering. arises when we ignore the little no. We ignore the little no. We do it in a million ways. Sometimes it's just called settling. We do this with men. We do this in business. We do this in the material realm of just commerce and purchases. We do it with our children. That little no is your responsibility. It is your responsibility in dynamic with a man. It is your responsibility in all of the relationships in your life. And for whatever reason, complex reasons, we ignore it and we pretend that we didn't feel it all the time. And before we develop a relationship with that, it's very difficult to trust our yes, which means that you want to take the singing lesson and then you tell yourself you can't afford it. So like that relationship to our, it's like our inner girl who like comes in the room with a painting she just made and she wants you to look at it and you're like, hey, I'm busy. That relationship to our yes is stunted. And in my experience, once you develop more awareness, because mastery, I don't know if I'm ever going to have mastery in this realm, but more awareness of the embodied cue of that no, then you start so ladies the recording from audacious embodiment 2 in miami 2026 edition is now available so that you can take these practices into your life expand your pleasure fields by knowing your no and yang your yes and enjoy the eight costume changes i made over the course of the workshop you'll understand why i am obsessed with permission fields pattern disrupts and polarity, all from the comfort of your cozy home. From twerking to pleasure theory to hip hop to Osho dynamic meditation and family constellation, we removed blocks to erotic energy and we left hotter, bolder and more audacious. So get in on it. KellyBroganMD.com forward slash AE2 Art to trust your yes more And I love to talk you through a practice And if you like this you can just sort of like it so simple This is inspired by S actually And you can just sort of, I don't know, remember like the elements of it. And you could do this for 90 seconds, two minutes, three minutes in the morning. And it's a sort of twist on breath work. All right, ladies. Okay. You don't have to sit up straight. You don't have to get in any special position. You don't necessarily have to close or open your eyes. But I just want you to start to feel and find your natural breath. Your natural breath. Just notice it. Notice your breath in your body, in your way, in this moment, and just begin to track it. You're offering your masculine attention to the movement of your breath without manipulation. Now I want you to track your next inhale. Track your next exhale. See if you can soften your throat. Can you relax and open your jaw? Can you breathe down into the depth of your belly so that your belly starts to expand forward? Can you breathe into your low back? Into your ribs? Just notice your breath and how you can move it gently. and a kind of like co-creation. And now I want you to just start to exaggerate it, exaggerate the shape of it and the size of it. So you start to feel like you're dancing with your breath. So for me, when I exaggerate my inhale, my collarbones open and my chest kind of lifts, my heart expands. And then when I exaggerate my exhale, my chin tucks a little bit and my tailbone and back ribs squeeze and open. So now I want you to, in this exaggeration, just linger a little bit in the shape of it. Start to string your inhale and your exhale together in this exaggerated way with no pause between them. I want you to feel it like a fog that's moving. It's rolling, it's twisting, it's swirling. Yeah. So now that you've tuned into your breath and your body, your pattern and this rhythm, I invite you to begin to think. Didn't see that coming. with your brain. Notice with your brain, where is there pleasure here? Is there pleasure in the open inhale? Is there pleasure in the process of closing and exhaling, maybe even in the full expression of that? and allow your breath to continue to be exaggerated, elongated, and you're just now following the pleasure of your breath, trusting that your body knows how to breathe in a way that is best for you, so all you have to do is track the pleasure. Remember to relax your jaw. You can even explore sound with your breath on an inhale or an exhale. So as you follow the inbuilt pleasure of your breath, you're building a stronger, more intimate connection to your body. And that's why moment by moment you can release more and more tension, gently, softly, just melting it as you breathe this exaggerated breath. All right, so on your next inhale, as you inhale, I want you to stretch as far as you can in the direction of your breath. your head might fall back your chest might push forward arching your back and then I want you to follow that stretch so my inhale eventually pulls me to the side and I can follow that beginning of a spiral back through my exhale as you stretch into this exaggerated breath you might start to find that your whole spine is moving doesn't have to be the same shape every time your ribs are also getting involved and you're creating more shapes. And now you're moving more like water. It's ebbing and flowing and you can go as far as you want. You can even pull yourself off balance with this kind of stretched out breathing. So now, as you are stretching, as you are moving, as you are breathing, I want you to begin to lean into the stretch of your breasts, the stretch of your heart. begin to follow these curves right so you have curves all over your body it's the curve of your breasts the curve of your lip the curve of your jaw and i want you to push these curves out into the world right so you're having a little experience of what it is to be a non-linear physical being in this quite linear realm, culture, society. Right? So if I inhale, I can notice the curve of my cheek and then my ribs push to the left and I feel the curve of those, the curve of my spine. and you're just stretching and following. There's no staccato. You're just melting. So keep going. I want you to feel how the curves of your body connect to your awareness and to your breath. and now I want you to become aware of your sexual energy your inherently feminine heroes pushing out, taking up space, oozing, blurring, bleeding, moving this is your life force, this is your birthright it's your entitlement it's also you shouldn't do that you shouldn't move like that it's all of these edicts swirled into taboo and desire can you feel the pleasure of just taking up space with your sexual energy the curve of your back, the pout of your lip you're pressing your curves into space you might find that you want to move your hands somewhere on your body maybe in your hair maybe you want to give your hair a little pull use your nails on your neck and your chest off your arms Give yourself chills. Just see what happens if the origin of every movement is from deep in your sacrum, in your womb. It's bubbling up, turning from that place. It looks all sorts of weird, wild ways. It looks sweet. It looks unpredictable. Now I want you to put your arms around your shoulders like you're giving yourself a strong hug. And go ahead and look around the room. So literally the room that you're in, just take it in. Look around. Orient back to where we are. And I want to, with that, with more aliveness, just takes a few minutes. It literally just takes a few minutes. I would love to play around with some inquiry, play around with some of my signature questions. because I want you to leave this hour with some alchemy underway. So I don't think you need to go journal. Be my guest if you'd like to. But I want to just do a little poking, a little poking, prodding, in a way that allows it now with this just little bit of activation. those ingredients are quite sacred in my experience. So there's a couple of questions that I like to play with, I like to check in with, and I want to share with you three. And again, if you want to write stuff down, you can, or you can just literally let it swirl around. The first one is to scan your life scape. And this can include real live women in your actual life. It could certainly include me. And for many, it does. And I want you to identify a woman that you think is like, not quite womaning right, right? Maybe she is too superficial right Maybe she too phony Maybe she is too focused on ambition or money Maybe she's too slutty. Maybe she is too neurotic. Maybe she is too friendly, right? What is wrong with this woman? What is wrong with this woman? Okay, it could also be, like, did I say this? Somebody you've never met, like somebody on social media or whatever that you just somehow, like, keep scrolling onto, right? Like, somehow you just keep, I don't know, she just keeps showing up in your feed and you're like, oh, my God, what the fuck is she doing, right? An easy, easy one to practice with, ladies, is your mama. Right? So how is it that you feel superior to your own mom? Right? But pick somebody. Pick somebody. And I want you to consider what is it that you feel she should be kind of punished for, right? Like you feel like there should be consequences for what she's up to and what is she getting away with? And if you could get on the mic of the world and just correct everything, bring it all into order and sanity, what would you say she should be doing differently? This question is a powerful portal. I call it wearing the villain crown. It's an opportunity to recognize what it is that you do not at this moment. And this could change in minutes, literally minutes. Okay. under the right conditions, what you don't have permission to be as a woman. Lazy, incompetent, stupid, dupable, gullible, naive, selfish. Because if you had permission to be that and still be yourself and still be lovable, this wouldn't trip your wire. That's just how human psychology works. It wouldn't trip your wire. You wouldn't give a fuck. But you do. So there's something here and there's all sorts of Jungian theory I could get into with why there is erotic energy in the attraction to that which we judge. It's that which we disavow, right? And project onto another. And it's like, we're just picking up the puzzle pieces of ourselves through these women. Of course, we can judge men too, but this is a very specific practice. And in Audition Environment 1, I got the feedback that working on this question with our own moms was for many the highlight, right? To recognize the possibility that we're not actually superior to our own mothers. It's difficult probably for most of us, right? Where we imagine we get it, they don't. We've figured out how to be a woman so much better than they ever did? And what if that is absolutely not true, right? And the specificity of these ways in which your mom bothers you, triggers you is literally an elegant design that you couldn't possibly have dreamed up to serve your development into the woman that you are and that you're figuring out how to be. The resolution of superiority is one of my great passions in this lifetime. And it has been some of the hardest work I have done. And every time I do it, I come to a neutrality that liberates me. It liberates me from being a know-it-all, from having it figured out, and from curating, performing, and managing the story of Kelly. There's so much here, and it can be so simple. So that's the first question. The second question is, what is a, what I would call a regrettable impulse? What's a regrettable impulse that you've had in the past? A time where you followed your yes and remember what I was talking about earlier where when we're in the stages of maturation around our inner polarities and the yes and the no, sometimes we follow our yes and it leads us somewhere very kooky, okay? Some were damaging, some were embarrassing. And then over time, especially if we're judged or criticized for that, over time, we stop trusting our yes, and we need to deliberate and do pro and con lists and talk to 10,000 people and pay a psychic and whatever. So just try to think of one time. This is very easy for me. I could pull up about 30 times. Try to think of one time where you followed an impulse, you followed a yes, maybe even enthusiastically, and it turned out bad. It turned out differently than you thought it would. So this might even be a marriage. It might be a primary relationship. And what is the story that you told yourself about that yes gone wrong? What's the story? a lot of times the story is the core story I believe lives in every woman walking the plane today, which is I am fundamentally damaged. Another flavor of that story is I'm crazy, right? Too crazy to be trusted, to make adult decisions in my life. But in that shame cavern is... Like, I can't trust my own guidance system. When you cannot trust your own guidance system, you need a lot of external validation. You need a lot of help. And you get stuck, right? You get paralyzed. That yes was very meaningful because the part that said that yes has something that it is focused on achieving in your life. And I bet that thing is glorious, right? I bet it's really wonderful. However, when your yes part and your no part are not seeing each other because you are not removed enough as the witness, things can swing. It swings between the skeptic who is rigidly rejecting everything and the enthusiastic participant who is a yes to things that everybody's watching the train wreck happen as you run naked into the field kind of thing. So just being aware of this and that you have sometimes a relationship to your own impulses and your own enthusiasm, your own feminine, your own yes, that says you're not to be trusted, you do it wrong. It's just an important first step to see that we are our own domesticators. We certainly don't need the patriarchy. Okay, we are doing a just fine job of oppressing ourselves. And this is one of the many, many ways that we do it. And it's not complicated to walk out of this through some basic practices and self-awareness. All right. The last question is, what would ruin me as a woman? And what I mean by that is, what is the thing, the story? Usually, it's something that stems from a sort of verboten, like a forbidden thing. from your family, a forbidden behavior. If you think back on your family and you think, what was the one thing you're not allowed to fucking do in your family, right? And what did you absolutely have to do? You could ask it in two ways. So for example, in mine, it's like, be there. You better fucking be there. It's like a loyalty code from my Irish-Italian roots, I guess. I don't know. But you better be there. So if you are not there, if you leave, if you miss the thing, let alone if you rupture the family, you're out. So somewhere in ourselves, we have a very specific thing. It could be, you know, when I started, when I went through my Instagram dance posting era, I also met with the thing I didn't even know. I believed would ruin me, which is to embarrass myself trying to be creatively expressed, right? And then I'm like a doctor. It's like so many layers of taboo. And what I went through when I used social media as a spiritual technology, which is literally how I would phrase it, I understood that that was my own belief, that I have ruined myself now. And of course, I was reflected that belief in commentary, etc. But it allowed me to see, oh yeah, I believe that. I believe that. I broke code. I broke character. I stopped doing the thing I'm expected to keep doing, right? Whatever that is. So there's something specific for you that is holding a lot of taboo energy. I am fascinated with the taboo because I know that it's like all of these little Easter eggs in your internal realm that are holding creative energy. And you have decided, of course, society and your family, but in the end, you're the one holding the belief now. You have decided that that is a do not fly zone, right? Like you decided don't go there. You've decided, no, I'm not that. I don't do that. until you fucking do. Until you do do that thing, right? And then what? Well, I got you because that is the, it's the potent portal for your expansion into your more real self, right? That has less of a clear story, perhaps, of who she is, at least for an interim. So I love this kind of inquiry. I love it paired with body-based practices. I love the containment and safety that we can offer each other as women when anything is welcome. And it's interesting. I was talking to my girlfriend this weekend because we've been on this shared journey together for a lot of years. And we both started out in very rigid places, even in the holistic realm. And I was like, you know what? I don't know that there's actually anything that I'm certain of anymore. Like actually, I can't think of anything. And you want to know what was the last one to die that she helped me work on this weekend? Was that my kids should not go to college. Like I've been so sure that they should not go to college. And even that, you know, she helped me to alchemize this weekend. She has older kids. And anyway, she's been on the same path, homeschooling, unschooling, and she helped me to come to neutrality. So when you are with another safe woman, and I don't mean that she's not going to trigger you, push your buttons. I just mean that she has a very, very suspended assessment of what is right and wrong, what is good and bad for the purpose of finding ourselves beyond the programming, beyond the shame wall. you get to just, right? It's like a, oh my God, that's the feeling always when I'm like on the precipice of one of these things. It's like, no, no, but, but, but, but, but. And then I let go and I'm like, you know what? Okay, you're right. I got to get on my, actually on my daughter's team. She wants to go. Okay. And support her as a woman, not support the passions that I happen to agree with. Okay. So this kind of work, I keep saying this, it can be instantaneous. This was literally one conversation that took seven minutes, it's probably changed the course of my relationship with my eldest daughter. Okay. So this is hot off the presses. you