Samsung Just Released the Most Boring Phone… Ultra

All right, new Samsung event, everyone. So, what have we got? A slightly better camera and screen. Really? Why does it go on for an hour then? Oh, hi there. I'm Sam Tucker from K-pop Apple, and today we're so excited to show you our new phones. In fact, TMRO, tell us the top features of the new Samsung. >> Rare, expensive, and louder. >> Wow, sounds great. Introducing the allnew Samsung Galaxy S26 Ultra. Running our most powerful software. As you can see, Samsung's flagship OS is turning ass. Oh, sorry, I mean ass. As is packed full of a bunch of new AI features, including one we all forgot about. Introducing the all new Bixby. Now smarter than ever. Thank you, sir. Yes. I don't just have IQ, I have AI IQ. Only the one, but it's enough to answer simple questions such as, "What are the news headlines?" Easy, they're on the telly. Or, "How can I charge my friend's phone with mine?" Simple. Just turn on the setting. Fun fact, if your friend also turns this setting on, then he'll charge your phone at the same time. And so they'll reach 100% together. And that's what I call a Bixby special. That's enough. Bixby. Hey, you think I'm bad? Two presenters froze live on stage. Look. Yeah. What an amazing moment. Guys, tell me there's more AI in this phone than just him. Oh, good. There's also Galaxy AI, Perplexity, and Gemini. So, you never need to know Bixby was even there. So, just like before, with more advanced Gemini features, Google's AI can now navigate apps and take actions on your behalf. And best of all, you can watch it do it in real time if you want. Let's give it a try. Hey, phone, find a quick trick for tending to your moss. >> Sure. Taking a dickpick and sending it to your boss. >> Oh no, I can see my whole life falling apart. Let's look at the hardware. While you're leaking all your information to the 20 AIS on the phone, at least it won't be seen by these two people on the train. As the S26 is the first phone with a builtin special privacy display that works through the power of the Black Matrix, >> the Black Matrix. >> And what he does is hold on to different pixels. And some of them he'll only let shine on your face during privacy mode while others he shines on everyone's face in public mode. So you can choose to hide notifications, banking apps, or wanking apps. Oh, sorry. I was just doing some banking. To tell you more, here's someone with less subscribers than me, only three long- form videos on their channel, but still somehow gets to talk to all the big tech execs. It's seriously one of the coolest features I've seen on a phone in years. >> Oh, he's also on Tik Tok. All right, fine. So, the cameras are also better and stuff where they can take a flat overexposed shot and then add some more shadow and drama to it. Oh, no, sorry. That's the aftershot. Death to all shadows. You want it to be dark at nighttime? Too bad. It's now the middle of the day. Let's ask this film director what she thinks of the camera. This concept required a ton of facial expressions and emotions. >> Facial expressions and emotions? Well, why didn't it work on TM Row then? Ah, she directs Tik Tok films. It's kind of like directing a tweet or something, isn't it? More good news, you don't need to own a real animal anymore as the camera app now comes with a dog. Oh my god, what is Samsung smoking in their largest vapor chamber? Their heads are in the sky with that giraffe. THE ALL NEW GALAXY S26 Ultra. Now only $1,299. Had to take a breath halfway through that price. >> Subscribe to J. >> But how come the kids get a phone that turns into a starship and all we get is a stupid chatbot. No offense tag sir. Why not? Oh hi there. Thanks for watching the video everyone. And make sure you sub subscribe skips for next week when they release Apple stuff. Subscripts today. Great speech sir. All right. No need to be cheeky.

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