Why Do Break Ups Hurt So Much? | Arthur Brooks

Why do breakups hurt so much? >> Because they're a signal to you that you're going to be cast out of your tribe and walk the savannah and die alone. It's that you're going to die alone. That's why breakups hurt so much. Because they say there'll never be anybody for me. I'm incapable of falling in love. You catastrophize because your brain wants you to avoid that. Your brain wants you to not break up. And so it's going to make you feel like this is the end of the world so that you won't break up. It's not the end of the world. But if you knew it wasn't the end of the world, you'd be like whatever. That's why you won't leave a crummy relationship. You're not afraid of the breakup. You're afraid of the pain for the breakup. You're not afraid of failing. You're afraid of how you'll feel about yourself if you fail. People are afraid of their emotions. They're not afraid of the catastrophes. So once you understand that and you're saying, "Look, this is a crummy relationship. This is an unhealthy relationship. This is not going anywhere. 10 years from now, this is not going to be better than it is today. I've got to do that." And then with the knowledge, this is going to hurt, but it's going to be temporary pain. And that's a normal biological process. You can handle it. That's how knowledge is power.

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