SHE KNEW He Was CHEATING Before He Ever Confessed

I was married and my ex, you know, was a serial cheater. And in the end, you know, right before we broke off, we had a time of reconciliation at one point. And I asked, he came into the room with me. I didn't even ask him. He came into the room with me and he said, "How did you know I was cheating?" He said, "Like every time I would start talking to another woman or anything, you would know." And he said, "I would exchange of phone numbers with a woman, I come home and you're like, who is she? What happened?" He said, "How did you know that?" He said, "They brand me crazy. How did you know that?" And my answer to him was that he would switch up. He would change. Like I he everybody has a temperature. Everybody has a way about them that we kind of acclimate to. And when that temperature would shift, I knew somebody's interrupting. There's somebody in the midst of us that's not supposed to be here. And they're in my space because I don't get the same look that I was getting. I don't get the same interaction that I was getting. And so that's how I'm able to discern that, hey, somebody else is in my space. >> But well, let wait cuz that's a good point and I want to ask you about that because they're let's say they're the woman being cheated on, right? Let's say that their husband is committing infidelity or adultery or whatever the case may be. How is that a woman able to discern whether her husband is cheating or if she's just insecure? I would say 98 99% of the time if a woman suspects her husband is she's right because we are the most sensitive and discerning creatures that God has ever created. If she discerns it now you can tell this insecurity whenever um this is a pattern of her. She's done it in every relationships. Um and she does that for the simplest things and you know she's constantly checking his phone and he hasn't done anything to make her you know think that he hasn't said anything. He's not staying out late at night. he hasn't done anything, then that's when that's when you're dealing with insecurity and stuff like that. And most people suffer with insecurity to a degree. It's just once it gets on that spectrum, when you get to the middle of that spectrum, becomes a problem. But it's just when it's on that spectrum, you know, once you get to the middle of that spectrum, that it's a problem. Everybody deals with insecurity to a degree. You know, your guy goes out, like I said, commercials play in your head. Especially if you've ever been cheated on before, or if your parent was cheated on, your commercial play your head. What if he out there doing this? He's not answering his phone. That's normal. But it becomes a thing where it's insecurity whereas he hasn't done like anything to to warrant that, right? I always say like trust. People always say trust me. Trust me, trust me. I say that doesn't work. That's not how this works. When you meet a person like you don't know me, you can't trust me. Then you don't have to distrust me, but you can't trust me. So there's nothing there right now. You're getting to know me. And so when it comes down to a relationship, I say we trust everybody that we know. We either trust you to do wrong or we trust you to do right. >> If you've done wrong, I trust you to keep doing wrong. So that's going to show up and it going to look like insecurity because I'm like, who was that called you? Why why you turning your phone upside down or what have you? But if he has a pattern of doing the right thing and then I'm still accusing him of doing the wrong thing. I'm still stuck in a season that I came out of. Maybe something that he did, something I experienced or what have you. But if it's a a situation where he did something wrong, um then there's going to be patterns, right, of like I said, turning the phone down, um being argumentative, cold, uh relatively distant, accusing, where were you or what have you, cuz then he start feeling guilty and he's going to project it because the wife is a mirror of the husband and the husband is a mirror of the wife. We mirror each other. Um but whatever, like I said, if it's insecurity, it's not warranted. But if it's not, if it is warranted, it's trust manifesting itself. I trust you to cheat on me again cuz you did it before. I trust you to lie to me again cuz you did it before. And that's why anytime I've counseled couples in the past, I said, "Well, what's going to have to hap happen is you have to destroy the old relationship that you were building cuz it was built on lies and you have to build something new and you have to earn the trust that you're asking for. You can't ask for a credit on trust, especially if you've already showed that you don't pay back your loans. you know, you got jobs now that won't hire you, that they'll check your credit report. What they're looking for, can we trust you? If they look in your credit report and see that you are inconsistent with paying your bills, that is a reflection of your character, they don't trust you, so they won't hire you. It's the same thing when it comes down to a relationship. If somebody has a habit of um they have a habit of cheating, lying, what have you got to trust them to lie? And they they'll say you're insecure, but it's not an insecurity. It's just that I trust you. I trust you. I trust you to do what you always been doing. >> I trust you to do what you always been doing. >> Do you think that a relationship or a marriage can be restored after that? I know you said that you have to start a new relationship, but how does that happen? >> If the person is willing to die to themselves, they have to go to Christ. A person like I I hear this stuff, loyalty, faithful. No man, I I say this when I get married, I would not be loyal to my husband. I would not be faithful to him. That that sounds crazy, right? But here's the thing. My faith faithful comes from the word faith. My faithfulness belongs to God. It doesn't belong to man. If I'm loyal to a person, then if God tells me to let them go, I'm going to go into idolatry. The minute I don't let him go, cuz then I go into loyalty culture. I want So, if I'm faithful to God, by default, my husband has a faithful wife, which means he'll never have to worry about me cheating on him because what I'm doing is I've dedicated myself to the most high God. I fear God. I love God. And so, I've surrendered myself to God before he came into the picture. But and so that means when he does come into the picture, he never has to worry about me doing anything because my love for God supersedes my love for him. However, if I'm loyal to him and he keeps on hurting me, I'm a mirror. He keeps on hurting me, then what ends up happening? He'll start to break me. And if I don't have anything to fall back on but my fallen nature, then something may materialize in what I see. I may start mirroring what he's doing to me in an attempt to you know to fix myself in an attempt to feel better. So loyalty loyalty and I I know there's this big loyalty thing. Loyalty belongs to him. If I'm loyal to him and I tell people I say you will love me till I find your idol. I said that to every person in my life. I say you'll love me till I find your idol. Because I tell people I said I'm not loyal to people. I'm loyal to God. And everybody that has me in their life they got a loyal sister, loyal friend. And they got they ain't got to worry about me being behind their back doing none of that stuff. But I'm loyal to God. But if they wander outside the will of God, I love them enough to say, "What's that? Why are you doing that?" What? No. And if they continue outside the will of God and they make it really clear that they want to chase that sin and what have you. Two can only walk together. They agreed. >> So I can't walk with them anymore. And that what's going to happen is there's going to be divide, >> right? There's going to be a divide cuz I'm >> I'm in alignment that with what they doing. >> That's right. I'm going to keep chasing God. So my because my loyalty belongs to him. He he owns the trademark, the patent, the copyright to my loyalty to my faithful to my faithfulness, which is why, like I said, I've been single and absent 12 years, going on 12 years this month, right? Because my faithfulness belongs to him. So that means that when I do get married, I don't have he doesn't have to worry about me wandering out there because my faithfulness and my loyalty belongs to him. And if he goes out, if I'm married, he goes outside the will of God, my faithfulness still belongs to God. So I have to keep chasing God, try to win him with my behavior, which is what the word says. And if he wants to be one, praise the Lord. If he don't want to be one, the Bible said, "If the unbeliever want to depart, let them depart." In that what God is saying, if the blind lead the blind, they will both fall into a ditch. You don't fall. You don't follow somebody into a ditch. In that, God is saying, "Keep chasing me. Your job, your assignment is to stay on the path behind God. And on that path, you have wins and you'll have losses. And whenever you're dealing with adultery, that person has chosen an alternative path. They've chosen a path to go outside the will of God. And a lot of times what they try to do is, this is what the Bible says, a double-minded man that's unstable in all their ways. They're constantly trying to get back on the path. Um, and when they're going from one path to the other, what they do is they break their brain. And in that what they start to do is they start to lose the health of their mind. They start to become unstable. Um they start to become doubleminded. They start to become lukewarm. And that start to show up in their actions because again now you start to form uh you start to form like obsessions and stuff like that. And consequently, that person can't be trusted because God can't trust them.

She reveals how a woman can sense infidelity before the proof ever shows up, and why discernment is different from insecurity. ost Jessica Laine-MacDonald: https://www.instagram.com/itsjessicalaine/ Renew The Mind Journal: https://www.hardlyinitiated.com/products/renew-the-mind-journal Fight The Flesh Bracelet: https://www.hardlyinitiated.com/products/fight-the-flesh-bracelet Hardly In Love Dating Cards: https://www.hardlyinitiated.com/products/dating-deck Apply for Teach The Game Thursdays: https://forms.gle/b3mxsAhMd6hx4AnN9