Pain, and Betrayal: The Real Reasons CHEATING Happens

Why do men cheat? Women even like when you're dealing with infidelity? Is it is it lust? Is it ego? Is it pride? >> I think it's a combination of all of those things. Uh sometimes it may be one thing. Uh but for me, it was a combination of all of those things. We had just had a baby. So like you know there was postpartum. So we were struggling in our intimacy in our communication. Uh, I had dealt with sexual trauma as a child, molestation and sexual abuse as a child. I had dealt with abandonment and rejection. One of the only ways that love was communicated to me was physically. And so, I didn't really understand how you could love me and not be physical or or or be sexual with me. And that was a part of my dysfunction. So, it did take a lot of counseling and therapy for me to come to grips with that and kind of understand that. But honestly, um, it's a lot of different factors. Sometimes it's a lack of communication in a marriage. And let me just say this real quick because I've learned more about marriage. I've learned more about demons, deliverance. I've learned more about ministry and money, real estate through what I went through. If you're going to have somebody counseling you, do you want somebody that only knows the good part? You would want somebody. Wisdom is well-rounded. Wisdom sees a situation from every perspective. And so this situation allowed me to see marriage ministry from both sides, both from the success side and the failure side. And so now I have a unique ability to walk with men. Cuz as I know we having this conversation and there's a lot of women that like, I don't want no man that cheap. Well, if you're with a faithful man, when did he learn faithfulness? Most of us learn faithfulness through failure. Most of us learn faithfulness through hitting our head on the wall, touching the fire when we shouldn't touch it, almost losing a marriage. Now that I almost lost a marriage, I know exactly how to keep a marriage. I know how to be present. I know how to serve my wife, minister to my wife, be present as a father. I know how to minister to my wife and my daughter. I know how to have family meetings, conversations, how to cultivate honesty and transparency in a family. I have the best conversations with my daughter right now. Hear me. I had to sit my daughter down and tell her what happened. And that's another reason why we didn't blast this on social media >> because I have a family. Other people involved have a family. And whatever you do on the internet is there. Yeah. So why would I come online to say whatever I want to say just because I want people to [clears throat] know my side of the story, agree with me, or whatever the case may be when I have to think about my family. So sometimes the audience they can think about, well what about me? It's like let me and again I don't want this to sound rude but um when people are going through their stuff right they don't feel any type of responsibility to tell the pastor what they're going through they don't feel any you know uh as a matter of fact we talk about people like when a young girl gets pregnant in church and we stand the church up we stand the young girl up in front of the church and say confess your sin to everybody. That's traumatic. But we want the pastor to do that, right? Like we want the pastor to everywhere he go to tell his personal life and personal business when that stuff could be on the internet forever. So that's one of the reasons why me and my wife decided to handle uh the situation the way we decided to handle it. And then when we started to hear the false narratives in my time of prayer, the Lord said, "Don't defend yourself." Number one, because you're guilty, right? You may not be guilty of everything that they're saying, but because of what you are guilty of, you open the door for the miscommunication or the misinformation. So, don't defend yourself. Um, and uh, the second thing that the Lord said is focus on your healing, focus on your health, and focus on your family. And so, that's what I did. But honestly, there's a lot uh, you know, counseling uh, pastors and counseling husbands now. It's a lot that goes into infidelity. Um um but I think the key is if there is an opportunity for that man to be honest, if that man does confess. >> What you mean if it is an opportunity? What? Cuz opportunity >> No, no. What I'm saying is if he wants to be better, >> right? If you create an open door and say, "Hey, you know, something's off blah blah blah blah blah." If he not only hides it, but he continues to do it. If you find out, if you look in his phone, right, and you find something out and he says, "I'mma do better. I repent." And then he continues to do it, then yeah, we may we may need to have some conversation because chronic cheating is a form of emotional, psychological, and sometimes even physical abuse. Cuz I know some people that they've went outside their marriage and actually gotten STDs and then gotten into their marriage and given them either knowingly or unknowingly to their spouse. And so I think that when you have chronic cheating, even after there's been exposure, even after there's been counseling, even after there's been healing, I do think that sometimes even women have to protect themselves. And let me just say this, not just women, but men as well. Cheating is not a male thing. >> Yeah, I agree. >> Through this situation, through this situation, I've counseledled many marriages where the woman is the one that's stepping out. Hey, speaking of women, um if your wife had done what you did, >> um would there be room for reconciliation? >> It it's so funny because this is the number one question that people ask me, right? Um even in counseling, uh even with my pastors, even with leoty, whenever I have a conversation about this, people love to kind of, you know, ask that question. And um when me and my wife went through this, when my wife first found out um um when I when I tell you all it was traumatic, >> right? Because number one, >> it was somebody she trusted. >> Well, no, they didn't have a relationship. No, that's what I'm That's even That's a whole another conversation. People have tried to make it No, they didn't have a relationship. >> Oh, I thought you said y'all opened y'all home to her. No, I mean they knew each other, but at this particular point, there's been years since they've really interacted or anything like that, but yeah, she did know her. She did know her. Okay. Um Um but um yeah, so when all of this happened, it was traumatic because it was Father's Day weekend >> and it was the day before my wife's birthday. >> I was already preparing to take my wife on a trip. So, when my wife found out, my wife is a gangster. My wife looked at me and said, "I'm hurt. I'm pissed off, but I'm about to go enjoy my birthday." And my wife took herself on her birthday trip. And she was gone for a few days. Uh that Sunday, I addressed the congregation. Um, and I don't even know if people remember this, but I actually uh addressed the congregation. At that particular point, I didn't give any details, but I told the congregation, I'm struggling. I need to take a sbatical. I'm unhealthy. I actually said that. And so, um, but when my wife got home, we had a conversation, and she said that, um, she had prayed, she met with God, she had an encounter with God, and she was going to give me an opportunity. She was going to forgive me, she was going to fight for our marriage, and um, I wanted to fight for our marriage as well. I'm saying that to say that if my if I had found out my wife had did anything like this, um I love my wife. >> I love my wife. >> Right? Even when I was in what I was in, >> I told the person I was dealing with repeatedly, >> I'm not leaving my wife. >> I love my wife. >> Right? And so there was never any thought in my mind like I'm letting this woman go. If if I found out that she did something like that, if she was willing to work it out, if she wanted to go forward, I'm fighting I'm fighting for her with everything I

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