Shipping a button in 2026…

How to make me feel make me feel good. I want to say this to you. >> How it make me feel? Make me feel good. I got my own. >> How is this scalable? >> We need a graph datab and a service mesh. So the users cannot escape. We don't need it for 200,000 users. What if we have 200,000 one users? Yes. Ne for now source edges later. We will use microservices. We will need a DDD bounded context for the button. Enter Kafka topic per interaction. Then we will use LSD so we can debug MTLS handshakes. Vanilla nextJS not T3 or T4 and T5. >> Anyway, whatever you'll pick will be dead in 6 weeks. Start writing the migration guide. I love it. Remember Grunts? >> Yes. Remember Ballard? Remember Angular? Oh man, Angular. J two-way binding will save us. Then you have a React 20 megabyte library attached. Remember a coffee script? Do you know JS was written in 10 days? >> Yes. >> How are you leveraging streaming SSR partial pre-rendering or at runtime? I haven't even installed Node yet. >> Node? What's with Node? Well, it's totally fine to use node, >> but I'd recommend using bot. >> Not that we do. We use cloudflare workers. >> Serverless design system, web GPU, console lock. What do you want? npm install random off package open source it what transparency community trust wait is that a use fact there are 47 issues saying user effect is legacy you won't want to publish that wait where are the docs you don't even have a readme I don't even have a repo What is happening? Mono repo. No nx on top repo beginner stuff. We go basel. We go home. Make docker file cache optimal. Oh, so dashboards do not deserve digitistic builds. Ride and rust. Bro, >> I haven't even started. Good. Start in rust. Front end rust. Back in rust, operating system rust. >> Pretty overpowered for a while. >> No, no. Just use laptops for the front end. It's super easy. Actually, do native will basically run straight on the GPU. Try that. Huh? Nightly broke. Or just go back to laptops. Actually, for your own use case, just rewrite your own framework, then your operating system. and you'll be dumb like 2030. >> Yeah. What the benchmarks say? >> Do not look at the benchmarks. Do not look at the benchmarks. And 997 ought to have shipped this with what pearl script on a crime job? Pearl. The whole company would run on it. Sari would run on it. No containers, no yaml, just regular expression cloud codes. Cursor red plates. No vibe coding in here. Not vibe coding. Magentic engineering. Oh, look. I already have 10,000 users. I'm running Tik Tok AI UGC 11,000. That's your back end. >> Want back end? It's serverless. But I'm migrating to the edge now. Oh, look. 12,000 users. Close VS Code. Close it. Close it now. It's cursor. I don't care. All VS Code look the same to me. You're better than that. Open Vim. I don't want to see a single line of VS Code again. Also, what's the keyboard? Are you even using PMK? You don't even have enough roll over to hand production pressure. Remember Vinn efficiency everything faster. What happened to that? Let me find you firmware using Vorax. I assume no Vorac. Okay, we have to stop from the very beginning. Can't exit in Voro. I'm trapped. No, Dorak, you're not trapped. You're liberated. Where's the Q key? What is your tracing strategy? What? We need locks, metrics, traces, profile, syntactics, or room APM. What is pag duty configured to? Pedag duty. Check your pocket. You need an alert that wakes you up when your CPU thinks about spiking. Another alert that thinks about when the CPU thinks about spiking. I want to check a trace that spends front and back and your childhood trauma. Do you even support open telemetry? Maybe I'll ship a console lock first. Okay, please start the load balancer AB testing. We want to learn targeting rules. Everyone should be using VIP, right? Faster efficiency. Reporting is not a type. Reporting is a philosophy. Global rollout policy violation. Your log file contains 63 transitive dependencies. Four have meet CV that look radish and one is maintained by teenager in Nebraska. We need SSO somewhere and not just sign up with Google. Also skim provisioning because it autogates accounts when somebody stays in workplace and ourback. Okay, I mean real Arback for button. We'll need audit logs to view water who exported water who hovered potential policies 90 days for log 7 years for finance forever full legal. It's told a login and a dashboard. Hold on. Where's your acceptance criteria? Where even is your road map? >> Did you create the jur ticket? How many story points do you think it's going to take? And don't say three again cuz you'll be held accountable next show. I haven't even decided what we're building. >> I heard something about a button. Do you have a button? >> I have concepts of a button. >> Anyway, we're doing safe now. Meeting at 8:00 a.m. Are you coming? >> I'm working on it. Just go. >> Okay. I don't want to be an impediment. Kill switch. Feature flag tenant. You want maintainability. You want teams. You want enterprise. >> No. >> You want serious business. >> I got my code. >> No. You want clean code, clean architecture, imagine a language, no logical syntax. You're talking about zinc, right? No, I'm talking about Java. You want big money movement, Java. You want big decimal, big decimal. All of this, I imagine, just with 1,400 annotations, 63 transitive dependencies, and one single app yammer. Let's start with the feature abstract factory provider factory. Hold on. Where's your test suite? Yeah, we're sunsetting the initiative this week. Anyway, don't worry to see your pet project because you write a tweet. This ship's about to sink anyway. >> What? >> But at least we're getting paid. >> Did you finish it? >> I'm just thinking about the architecture. >> You haven't even started yet. You're too slow. Anyways, we don't need it anymore. >> We're building something no one has ever done before. >> Photonic computing AI marketing automation tools. >> What? >> We're raising next month. So, you're going to have to finish it ASAP this week. You're right. You're the expert. Figure it out. Developers. Go with the cult. >> I'm wasting my time with these opinions. >> Let's do what everyone does. >> I'm just going to develop my own language, a DSL list that compiles to Yama.

Shipping a button in the age of cloud, vibe coding, JS frameworks. T3 T4 #programming #javascript #humor