17 SPECIFIC boundaries to PROTECT your ENERGY (stop letting people drain you)

Stop letting people walk all over you. You're not a nice or selfless person for doing that. You're a doormat. Even Mother Teresa isn't as self-sacrificial as you are. And letting people walk all over you does not make you a saint. But one thing is for sure though, once you stop doing that, people will say that you're being mean or whatever, but only because they can't take advantage of you anymore. Oh my god, that's so tragic. So instead of being a doormat or going to close that door right in their faces, from now on, you're unavailable. So, I used to think that being a nice person meant that I need people around me to think that I'm a good person. What actually ended up happening was I started absorbing everyone's energy. I was constantly explaining myself like, "No, no, no, no. You got it wrong. Here's my version." I constantly kept giving people unlimited chances. And that's doormat behavior. As a result, not only was my energy drained, nobody respected me, nobody thought that my time was worth anything because I would drop everything to help someone. You would think that people would value that, right? but they don't. And all of this giving all the time only made me ill and weak. And I also looked weak because unfortunately this is just the kind of world that we live in. And sometimes because I don't actually want to help, but because I didn't dare say it to them, I ended up betraying myself and my own needs, which made me fake and performative because I also started harboring this quiet anger towards whoever I was helping because of this self- betrayal. So none of this is warranted. This is not what healthy behavior looks like. And I was sick of it. So, if you're an empath or you're sensitive or you spend your whole life being a doormat because you thought that that's what good people do. I need you to hear this. Things can't bother you if you don't let them. Words can't hurt you if you don't believe in them. And energy can't drain you if you refuse to absorb it. Your belief is that powerful. Log the fashion designer. I know he's a little bit controversial, but he was being so real when he said, "Don't sacrifice yourself too much because if you sacrifice too much, there's nothing else you can give and nobody will care for you." If you're tired of being everyone's emotional dumpster, or if you're done explaining yourself to people who don't even want to listen to you, or if you're ready to stop apologizing for protecting your peace, then keep watching. So, to all of these people who are constantly draining your energy, they are the ones who will benefit the most from you having no boundaries. So, it's time to set some boundaries. I started doing things that may seem a little bit toxic to these people, but it's actually just self-preservation. You should always protect your own needs first. Only then you're capable of actually helping other people. If you're new, welcome. My name is May. If you're done with performing and being small, letting other people's needs matter more than your own nervous system, then I'm here for it. My community is called Stoic Angels. We talk about transformation that's just physical, mental, and spiritual. And we're really just out here taking action on our best lives. When you're doing the work, there's literally no need to explain anything to people. So, if this sounds like you right now, hit the subscribe button because there's more where this comes from. And I want you to give yourself the permission to do things that you've been afraid to do because someone might call you selfish. So, let's reclaim that. I've been on kind of like a digital guide rampage lately. So, I have a free guide I made for you that accompanies this video, and you can download it in my video description. I also have chapters in my video as usual, like with all of my videos. And quick updates, my merch drop is out at stoicangels.com. And I'm closing applications for my group trip to Greece this month, at least the early applications. So, if you want to get in on a good prize, now's your chance to do that. More on that offer in my newsletter on my website. You can find everything in my video description. Speaking of protecting your energy, let me tell you about something that's actually saved me hours of mental bandwidth, and that's cooking. Setting boundaries are also about protecting yourself from invisible energy drains. Stuff that you feel like you have to do, but there's better solutions out there that can actually save you a lot of time. For me, that was one of my biggest energy drains, right? Figuring out what to eat, going to the grocery store, basically preparing, cooking, and cleaning up. That's basically 10 hours of week of me doing all of these things just to survive and eat. If you're craving an elevated menu, they also have premium meals like rack of lamb and buttery lobster, as well as limited regional chef specials like Marilyn crab cakes. With most subscriptions, these cost extra, but with the special offer that I'm giving you, you can get up to two free premium meals with every order. If you'd like to support my channel, my link is in the description box and there's a QR code you can scan on the screen as well. So, now let's get into the video. Number one, I let people misread me on purpose. How someone misreads or misunderstands you tells you everything you need to know about them. When you know that you're being real, you genuinely become like a mirror to everyone else that's interacting with you. So, let people underestimate you and misread you. When people are out here underestimating you, they don't see you as a threat because they don't know who you're dealing with. So, they don't guard themselves around you. If someone's quick to assume the worst without even knowing anything. And if they jump into conclusions, if they project their own insecurities onto you, then guess what? There's no need to correct them because they don't even want to hear you explain. They just want to know that you're right. So, just watch them and see what they have to say. I used to exhaust myself trying to make sure that everyone understood my intentions. I would overexlain everything. I would clarify things, try to defend myself against whatever allegations and I didn't even know where it come from. Whatever happened next was basically the people who wanted to misunderstand me still did because they were not interested in my truth. They don't care. They were more interested in their version of me that confirmed their own beliefs in their head because the way people fill in the blanks about you reveals their perception of you. This is always formed by their own self-concepts as not even related to you. And this is how you read people. But you shouldn't tell them that you know. Okay? Be like a poker player. Don't reveal your cards. And that's how you maintain your power. So, let them have it. If they think 2 plus 2 equals 5, let them think they're right because they don't want to be wrong. If someone wants to think that I'm mean or I'm this or I'm that, fine. If they want to think that I'm arrogant, okay. And if someone assumes I'm a liar because I don't put my entire life on display 24/7, nice, cool. Other people's assumptions are not my responsibility. That's none of my business. I don't live for those people. They're not even in my solar system. One of the most powerful positions you can hold is to control your ego by staying stoic and humble enough to be okay with being misunderstood because you know the truth. God knows the truth. And everybody can have an opinion, it doesn't mean that they're right. Nichi, who I'm obsessed with, said it perfectly. Every deep thinker is more afraid of being understood than of being misunderstood. Because when you're truly understood, you're also more vulnerable to being manipulated. People look at you and immediately have a profile in your head, but you're not an audience subset. Okay? When you're being misread, you're actually protected by that gap between who you are and who they think that you are. It's actually a blessing to be misunderstood. Being misunderstood gives you an advantage that you wouldn't have if they knew what you were actually capable of. You don't have to announce every single move that you're making or have an opinion about everything. Just let your actions speak for themselves. People with big egos tend to talk big talk instead of doing it. They react instead of respond which are very different things and they tend to judge the situation too quickly. So they blind themselves. This is the hallmark of weak minds because they completely bypass critical reasoning and go straight to being emotional. And that will always be their downfall and not yours. Emotions are only good when you know how to control it and not be controlled by it. So let them think whatever they need to think. You don't owe anybody access to your internal world just because someone out there is confused. Number two, I play dumb even when I know what's going on. So, this is just strategic curiosity, right? If someone's explaining something to me, and if I'm even a little bit unclear, even if I have a pretty good idea of what they mean, I do not assume that I know what they mean. I ask them to explain it anyway. Like, wait, what do you mean by that? Can you break that down? Because when someone explains themselves, you get to see their definition, their mindset, their framework, their intention. And a lot of the time, it might be different than what you assumed. You're not in their head, so you don't know. Maybe they meant something completely different and you were reading into it. Or maybe they reveal that they absolutely think that they're smarter than you, that they're talking down to you or that they're testing you. Either way, you win because you're collecting information without giving anything away. So, if there's drama happening and you want to understand the real tea, don't assume. Ask the person involved what happened, why did they do that? If someone uses a word that's vague, then ask what's your definition of that? Like, I don't think I fully understand it. You're not hurting anybody by doing this. You get clarity and you get to know what the other person thinks very quickly and people who are actually genuine will appreciate that you're trying to understand them and the ones who are condescending to you will actually just show you exactly who they are. Then you're going to know how to move accordingly. Number three, I mirror people's energy. So most of the time I like to lead with my energy. Especially if the situation revolves around me or if I'm meeting someone new, I'm going to be very warm and open and enthusiastic because I want the other person to feel comfortable around me. And so if they return that energy, that's beautiful, right? we're aligned and we're having a great exchange. Like it feels good to talk to someone and I like that. But the second I sense weird vibes like coldness, passive aggression, or if someone is being fake, I stop leading the vibe and I start reflecting the vibe. If you're being cold to me, then I'm cold back to you. If you're distant, then I'm distant, too. And if you're giving me one-word answers, guess what? I'm giving you back. I'm not absorbing anybody's weird vibes, okay? Not today. I'm not performing emotional labor for someone who is giving weird energy. Why? because I'm protecting my nervous system from people who are energetically hostile. And because here's the thing, right? A lot of empaths are the way that they are because they've been taught to kill people with kindness and stay warm when someone's being cold and always be the bigger person. And that's how you end up being drained and confused and feeling like something's wrong with you. You don't always have to be the bigger person. There's nothing wrong with you. You get to be petty sometimes. It's fine. If you feel like the relationship or conversation is one-sided, then that means you're trying to connect with someone who's not connected to you. So disconnect from that and just mirror them and let them feel what they're giving. And then watch how quickly they either adjust to you or reveal that they were never actually interested in genuinely connecting with you in the first place. So this is number four. I stop mid-con conversation when I sense weird energy. And this one can make people uncomfortable, which is exactly the point. You better catch that immediately. Like catch it. If I'm talking to someone and I feel their energy shift suddenly, like they're being cold or distracted or passive aggressive or giving me a weird vibe, I stop talking like mid-sentence and then I look at them in the eyes and say, "Is everything okay?" Not in a sweet way like a but like in a something's off and I'm not going to pretend I didn't notice kind of way. If they're not being weird, then everything's fine, but if they are, then it's like a gotcha moment and you need to catch them doing that to you so they stop it. Because here's what happens when you ignore weird energy. It grows. It fers. the other person feels like they got away with being shady. So, they're going to feel emboldened to do more the next time. Then you're going to feel crazy because you can sense that something's wrong, but nobody's going to name it. So, let's just name it. I feel like something's wrong. What's going on? Don't let people get away with being shady to you. Also, most people are not used to being called out like that. Like, they either will backtrack immediately or they're going to reveal to you what's actually bothering them. So, don't fill in the blanks for them like, "Oh, did you get enough sleep last night?" Like, no, no, no. This is an open-ended question. Either way, you're going to know what's going on instead of being confused and replaying the conversation in your head for three days, you shouldn't have to do that in the first place. And if they try to guess light you like, what? Like, no, I'm fine. You're overthinking. Then, you know they're not for you because people who are for you, they don't make you question your own sanity. Stopping the conversation mid-sentence is a disruption and it's a boundary. You're refusing to continue an interaction that feels off just because the other person wants to pretend like everything's fine when it's not. So, trust your gut on this one. And you're always allowed to say, "This doesn't feel right and I'm not moving forward until we talk about it." Number five, I mentally return energy to sender. If I feel someone's jealousy or judgment or evil eye or whatever it is, I don't absorb it. I don't carry it around wondering why I suddenly feel heavy or anxious or off. I don't believe in other people's evil eye because I just visualize whatever negative feelings about me bouncing right back to them. not in like a vengeful way like I'm cursing your back, but like just that these feelings don't belong to me and you're not required to absorb other people's negativity just because they aim it at you again. Like that's their problem, not mine. You can just give it back to them. Like here, you drop this nastiness. I don't want this. You can keep it. And so when you do that, when you energetically refuse to let someone else's bitterness or envy or resentment or whatever live in your body, you stop feeling like a target. You stop secondguessing your intuition. you stop wondering that maybe they're right and you're actually in the wrong or whatever story that they're trying to project onto you. You just let it bounce off because you get that you're not a dumping ground for bad vibes. One method that I love is visualizing your piece as your physical armor like a barrier like all around you like a bubble and whatever you don't want stays out. It bounces off always. Every morning I visualize my energy like a shield like impenetrable and only allowing in what I want. So when I move through the world with that in mind, it changes how I respond to people's energy. And that also changes people's energy towards me because I'm protected. Like I have guardian angels around me. And this is very powerful because you do as well. And the more you believe that your higher self or God or the divines, they're taking care of you and they're protecting you, that energy becomes stronger. You are the only person who gets to decide what has access to your energy. And that is the way that it should be. Literally, let's say someone's being a Karen towards me or something. I just say in my head, this is unacceptable to me. They can keep that energy, not my monkeys, not my circus. Number six, I use energy to set boundaries. Like, it's okay to be a bit mysterious to protect yourself because nobody can mess with what they can't read. So, even if you're being a little bit random and unpredictable, that's also protection. Like, not to mention, it's magnetic. Nobody remembers someone they can totally predict because that person is boring. There are times where I don't post on socials at all. Sometimes it's because I genuinely forget to check Instagram and other times it's because I don't feel like performing. If it feels like fake to me, I don't have to do it. Or if I'm being too deep in my own work and I'm focused, I don't need outside noise to influence me. I'm in monk mode. Because when you're always available and you're always posting, you're always responding, immediately people will start to feel entitled to you and they start to expect more and more and more. And when you don't give it to them, they get offended like what's going on? So when you show up when you feel like it and you disappear when you don't, like literally black cat energy, people will learn that your time and energy are not something they can just snap your fingers and demand immediately. You are not a genie in a bottle, honey. You're a black cat. You decide when to show up. And this also works when someone keeps asking you invasive personal questions. A lot of people don't realize this, but excessive questioning, especially from people that you're not close with or especially from people with positions of power over you, that's a form of social manipulation. They're literally out here gathering data about you. They're probing you for vulnerabilities that they can exploit. They're testing to see how much control they can have over you. You will know and feel the difference between genuine curiosity and manipulation just by how they respond when you don't answer them back. With chill people, they drop it immediately. They move on. It's fine. Manipulators, however, they will keep probing because they want that data bad. So, when someone keeps pressing me about my weekend, like where I went, who I was with, what I did, what time I got home, like who cares? These questions feel invasive and weird. So instead, I give them something predictable and boring like, oh, you know, I was just chilling, cut my bangs, I did my nails, and just throw them a bone like I have a book. Oh my gosh. No need to give them the full picture. Just keep it to a need to know basis. Okay, you have nothing to prove to them. And that gap between what they know and what they don't know, that's where your power lives because maybe they're going to sense that I'm not telling them everything and that is exactly the message that I want to send. I don't need to tell you everything and why do you need to know? Then I redirected by saying, "By the way, did you hear about what happened the other day?" Or I reflected back, what about you? How was your weekend? Where did you go? Having a bit of mystery is self-care because you're refusing to hand over information that someone has not earned access to. You get to choose who does and who doesn't. Number seven, I detach emotionally before I walk away. So, by the time I actually leave a situation like a friendship, relationship, a job, whatever it is, I've already checked out emotionally. This is self-preservation. Because if you try to leave while you're still emotionally attached, then there's a part of you where you're still hoping that they'll change or if you're still invested in being understood, you're going to go back. Or you leave, but you're still tethered energetically and replaying situations in your head, imagining different scenarios, conversations, and you're wasting all your time doubting yourself and wondering if you made the right decision. So instead, I detach first. I will grieve the end of the situation while I'm still there and process it while I'm still in proximity. And then I let go of the version of them that I wanted them to be. And instead accept the version that they're showing me. So then when I walk away, it's clean. It's quiet. There's no tea, no drama, no need for closure because I already got that closure. I closed it off internally. This is like a soft launch exit. And then when you leave, you're gone. People who are used to having so much access to you will be confused at first. They're going to wonder what happened. They might even reach out asking if you're okay, like why are you no longer being available to them anymore? But the thing is, you are okay because you already did the hard part and in your head it's over and people will get angry at your absence. We're never happy with you finding peace to begin with. They just wanted access to use you. That's all. So when I pull back from a situation just to see what happens. I'm not playing games or anything, but maybe I suspected something and I wanted to see what happens. So okay, I pull back like, hey, I'm busy. I'm going to be working on this thing. Don't expect me to be so available all the time. So if somebody immediately gets defensive and make everything about them, then they will tell you they value what you provided to them more than they value you as a person. But if someone gives you space and checks in gently like they respect whatever it is that you're going through or doing without demanding any kind of explanation, then that's someone that's safe. Your need for space is never a personal attack on anybody else. This is like a human right. We get to choose to have space anytime you want. And people who treat it like it's personal when it's not are only showing you that they don't actually respect you or your autonomy and your free will. Number eight, I let people overshare while I say nothing. When someone's talking, I listen. I ask follow-up questions. I make space for them to keep going. And most people when they feel hurt, they're going to tell you everything. They reveal their values, their blind spots, their fears, strategies, vulnerabilities, whatever. I'm not doing this to use it against them at all. It's the opposite. I'm doing this because I want to understand them and not think about myself and what I want to say back because I'm hearing what they're saying and what they're saying is not about me, right? But especially I hear them out before I decide how much of myself to share in return. Maybe we can form a connection but maybe they just want to be heard and they don't care if what happened to them also happened to your bestie. Okay? So you don't have to wait for them to finish while you're like this happened to my bestie. Because the people who overshare without reciprocating like they want to hear you back and they dump their entire life story on you in the first conversation. They don't ask you a single question back. They're basically just showing you exactly this. Okay. To them, you're simply an audience member who they can get something from. I got a lot of DMs actually from people who quote unquote like want my advice. And in the beginning, I actually gave them advice and then I realized very quickly that they didn't actually want to hear it. They only wanted me to confirm what they wanted to hear from me. So, that's not the way to talk to people, okay? You can DM me or whatever. It's totally fine, but don't dumb your entire life trauma onto me. Nobody is an endless bucket for people to dump into, okay? It's incredibly unfair. My DMs are still open if people want to, I don't know, overshare to me. Like, here it is. But I shouldn't have the authority to tell people what to do. Even as a life coach, right? Life coaches are supposed to coach you through the problem. And even in the format I'm doing it's like take what resonates with you and if it doesn't resonate with you just move on right people have to take responsibilities for their own lives and for their own actions. So the people who do share thoughtfully who are actually curious about you and they reciprocate and create space for mutual exchange. Those are the ones who see you as a person and not a chum bucket. So I let people talk and I watch and I learn and I learn about them and then decide what they can get access to based on what they're showing me that they can handle. Number nine, I test people's reactions. Like if you're not sure that you can trust someone, run a mental loyalty test. Okay? I pay attention to what people do when they think that I'm not watching. I notice who's only around when it benefits them. Then I watch how people talk about other people when those people aren't in the room. Especially if it's gossip because then I know that's how they're going to talk about me when I'm not around. So notice who celebrates your wins and who goes quiet when you win. Like people will always reveal themselves at the end of the day. You just have to pay attention and listen. Like let's say if I help someone out a lot, like one day I'm going to ask for a small favor, like, "Hey, can you help me with this?" Something that only requires a tiny bit of effort, okay? Or I'll ask them for an opinion. Like nothing too crazy. Their response to you will tell you everything. Like for example, something like, "Can you help me move this table?" Feels like too much to them or they make you feel like you're inconveniencing them, then it's funny, right? Because they don't hesitate to ask you for favors. So why can't this be a two-way street? If someone can't show up for you in small ways, then you cannot count on them to show up when it actually matters. Everything that people do in life is dictated by their pattern. So, if you ask them for something and they make it seem like you're asking for the world, then take note of it. And if somebody consistently shows up for you in small ways and they're not keeping track or making you feel like you owe them something, then that's someone that's worth keeping around because they actually respect your energy. And it goes both ways. So once you can see this pattern, believe it with your own eyes and don't make excuses for people's inconsistency. Don't convince yourself that this time will be different because unless something significant changes, it won't be different. It will be the same. Number 10, I add less invested to see who's real. Sometimes this is a dynamic that you're unknowingly feeding. So when you stop feeding the dynamic, you're going to see who stars first. If I'm always the one reaching out, always the one making plans, always checking in, but they don't do it back, then I'm going to stop one day. Okay, relationships need to be mutual. So if the only reason that someone's in your life is because you're doing all the work to keep them there, then they were never really there with you to begin with. So instead, just match your energy instead of compensating for their lack of effort. And just watch what they do, right? People who care will notice and they're going to ask, "Hey, what's going on?" They're going to make an effort because the relationship matters to them. And the people who don't care will just let the connection fade away without even thinking about it. And you guys are going to stop talking and that will tell you everything that you need to know. I quote unquote lost a lot of friends this way because they never cared at all about me. So this boundary actually saves you from wasting energy on people who are only around because you made it easy for them. Number 11. I always default to maybe if I'm not sure. Like I stop saying yes to things just because someone asked me to. So now if I'm not sure, my default answer is not sure or maybe and let me get back to you. Okay? Let me check something. Because saying yes immediately puts you in a position where you have to follow through even if you realize later that you don't actually want to do that. And backing out feels harder than it should because you're already committed. You never have to say yes to anything immediately. Okay? But letting yourself say maybe gives you some space. It's like a gift. Okay? Time and space is always a gift. Basically, you have the time to ask yourself, do I actually want to do this or am I just saying yes because I feel obligated? And so if the answer is you feel obligated or you feel guilty or you're a people pleaser, then the answer becomes no. This keeps my schedule and my sanity in check. It saves me from energy draining situations. Like I don't owe anyone a yes just because they ask me. And it also saves me from feeling like I have to write someone a long text message if I don't want to show up to someone's party or something in the first place. Oh my gosh, you guys. Please don't do that. It does nothing for you and it also makes you look like a flaky person and you don't respect people's time. If you don't want to go somewhere, just say you're busy. Don't be like, "Oh my god, yeah, let's do it." When in your head, you already thinking, "Oh my gosh, I better think about what excuse I can give them the night of." Just please don't do that. Number 12. I sent textes when I feel like it. I used to feel like I had to respond to everything immediately, like every text, every message, every email notification, because if I didn't, then people would think that I was rude or didn't care. But that's so exhausting. And that also trains people to expect instant access to you. So now I respond when I have the mental capacity to engage. Sometimes it's immediately. Sometimes that's 3 hours later or the next day or 2 days later. You don't need to explain anything and be like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to text back. I'm the one controlling the tempo in my relationships, not the other way around." So, if someone gets upset that I didn't respond fast enough, they can follow up with me. It's fine. But if they're being pissy about it, then that tells me they see me as existing for their convenience rather than someone who has my own life, right? You don't owe anybody real time access to you just because technology makes it easy to do that. I also don't expect the same thing from anyone. I know how it is and that's how you get overwhelmed. You have to set really really clear boundaries. Like if I don't have to respond today, then I don't respond until I'm ready. Number 13. I keep my wins quiet until they're irreversible. So I used to share my goals, my hopes and dreams, my plans of everybody around me because I was super excited and I'm passionate and I wanted some support. Instead, what I got was skepticism, discouragement, or people planting seeds of doubt or worse, taking my ideas and running with them before I could do the same. So now, instead, I zip it. I move in silence. I work on my ideas privately first, and then I let the word speak for itself. And nobody can curse something that they don't know about. Like, for example, when something's done and it's already happening, then it's too late for anybody else's opinion to matter. That's when I share it. And of course, there are nuances to this, right? Like sometimes you might want feedback on your work so you can improve. But generally this protects your vision from people who don't have the capacity to see your vision. It also protects you from the subtle or not so subtle energies of people who don't actually want you to win and you don't know who these people are unless they tell you. And then lastly, it also protects you from yourself because you're less likely to reach a goal if you tell everyone because then you feel like you've already done it 10 times just by talking about it. Number 14, I forgive but don't forget or reinstall like apology accepted but your access is still denied. Do not forgive someone so that they can get another chance to disappoint you again. Instead, forgive to release the resentment against them so that you can move on without carrying their burdens with you. So having the wisdom to know that you don't want to put yourself back in a position where the same thing can happen again because chances are it might. You can forgive someone and decided they're not good for you and you can still wish them well right from a distance. You can even hold space for the fact that people can change while also acknowledging that you don't have to be there to witness it. Just because we believe in someone doesn't mean that we should give people unlimited chances. If someone's going to change and they're better for it, then let them prove it with their actions and not with their talk because all that talk is meaningless and manipulative people love to talk. So let them. Number 16. I match effort not potential. Okay? Potential does not bring you peace. Effort does. I used to sit in situations way longer than I should have because I could see what someone could be. Like I could see their potential and I believe so hard in the version of them that they kept promising me that they would become. But they usually never meet that potential. It was all talk. But potential is not the same thing as action. Like I'm not in the business of waiting around for people to decide that I'm worth showing up for one day. They need to prove it today or I'm gone. So now instead of believing people's words, I just match with what they're actually doing and not what they're saying that they're going to do and definitely not what they could do if they tried. Right? So what they're doing right now consistently without being asked. That's the version of them that I respond to. And if that version isn't someone that I want in my life, I will move on accordingly. Number 17. I wish people well after cutting them off. And no matter who it is or how awful they were to you, you wish them well. Not for their sake, but for your own sake. And that's the final energy cleanse that you're cutting the cord and you're not letting any feelings linger. Even if it's anger or sadness, right? Because you no longer have room for that in your heart. When I remove someone from my life, I don't want to carry any bitterness. I don't want to carry resentment. I don't wish them harm. Instead, I wish them well. I hope they find whatever it is that they're looking for. And then I just let them go completely. Remember what I said about the way that you feel about someone is also your perception of them, right? Everybody thinks that they're good people in their head. So it doesn't serve you to hold on to that anger because you don't affect them even if you make it known to them unless they accept that. And then even then so what? It's still not resolved because you still have room to hate them in your mind which only hurts you. Holding on to anger towards someone who no longer is in your life means that you're still taking up space in your nervous system. They're still living rentree in your head. So when I'm ready to let go, I release them with genuine goodwill. Not because they deserve it. Maybe not. Like maybe some of them never deserve it, but because I deserve to make room for more happy things and until that day comes, it's totally okay to not be healed yet. It's fine. You still have to process your emotions. It's like what I said, right? You don't always have to be the bigger person. You can be petty, too. So, if I still feel something about a situation, like if I was betrayed or if I feel grief towards something, then in the meantime, until I heal from it, I will use that energy to fuel my own growth. Always put your negative emotions about something to good use. Don't let that become unused energy in your heart because it will poison you. Energy is never created or destroyed. It always transform. It always has to go somewhere. So transform that energy and channel it into your meaning and purpose and happiness and growth and peace because the other option is to let it fester which is terrible and you don't want that option. So, you see, all of these things are only here to protect you so that you're not being the easiest person in the room to drain. This is also about realizing that the people who call your boundaries toxic or mean or evil are usually the ones who benefit the most from you not having any boundaries. So, call it low-key whatever evil if you want, but I call it emotional hygiene. Your peace is so sacred, you're allowed to guard it like your life depends on it because it does. So, now I want you to do something for me, right? Drop this in the comments and say out loud if you need to. I will protect my peace because your peace is the foundation that everything else is built on. So, you will protect your peace because you're allowed to. If you forget any of my points, remember I have that free PDF for you. You should take advantage of that situation because it's the season of giving for me and I'm giving and I don't know how much longer I'll give. Anyways, if this video resonated with you and you're finally ready to stop apologizing for having boundaries, then subscribe because we're just getting started and I have so much more to teach you about building a life that's actually yours. I'll see you in the next video, angels. Bye.

time to be LESS available ✨ Thanks to CookUnity for sponsoring today's video. Subscribe to CookUnity using my link and get a special offer, 50% off the first week: https://strms.net/cookunity_maealicesuzuki ⭐️ get the free mini-guide: https://bcns.link/cNycC 🪽 shop my merch: https://stoicangels.com 💌 stoic angels newsletter: https://maealicesuzuki.eo.page 🔹join my next summer group trip to Greece in 2026! closing early applications end of this month: https://maealicesuzuki.com 🌸 support the channel: https://patreon.com/maealicesuzuki https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHQ0GPGhqjinKm-Y9DLC3hw/join 🦋 follow me on my socials: https://instagram.com/maealicesuzuki https://tiktok.com/@maealiccesuzuki https://twitter.com/maealicesuzuki https://discord.gg/AHPZWV4aZk 📖 chapters: 0:00 - no more doormat behavior 4:11 - 1. I let people think this of me (on purpose) 7:19 - 2. invoke strategic curiosity 8:28 - 3. energy reflecting method 9:54 - 4. catching the vibe shift 11:35 - 5. return this to them 12:28 -6. Imagine your peace this way 13:37 - 7. be selective and “mysterious” 15:40 - 8. emotionally detach first 17:38 - 9. let people share before you do 19:40 - 10. how to “test” situations 21:13 - 11. starve the beast 22:08 - 12.this is your new default answer 23:24 - 13. dictate your own terms 24:22 - 14. do this until it’s done 25:26 - 15. how to “move on” after heartbreak 26:19 -16. what to focus on instead of “potential” 27:02 - 17. the proper way to cut people off